Thriving Caregivers Prioritize Soul Care

Sometimes I have an opportunity to escape being a mom, wife, and the primary caregiver to our adult daughter with Angelman Syndrome. It may just be for a couple of hours but one rather simple and satisfying way I can do this is to take a long bath and read a book or magazine. I might even give myself a pedicure. It’s a luxurious time of pampering to light a candle, pull out the Epsom salts and indulge in some “me” time.

Truth be told though, I could live without the pedicure and even the soak in the tub. What I cannot really live without is some time to myself to organize my thoughts, to rest from my responsibilities, to remember who I am apart from loved ones around me and to renew or deepen my connection with God.

The pampering is sweet and valuable. My flesh cries out to feel cared for. But it’s the solitude and spiritual intimacy that are my lifeline. That’s where I get in touch with my soul and the Creator of it. Both are important — myself and my soul — but I need to keep these things in balance or the cost is great to me and to others.

One reason it is tempting to neglect the balance is because the world and our culture lure me into thinking that self care and soul care are one and the same. There can be some overlap between the two but, for the most part, they are not the same at all. In fact, differentiating them has eternal implications.

Self-care fuels your body and mind.
Soul care fuels your spirit, your sense of purpose, and your hopefulness about the future.

Self-care will tend to keep you thinking about yourself and relying on your own strength.
Soul care points you to Jesus, your ultimate and eternal Source of power, purpose, help, and hope.

In the battle between self care and soul care, your soul always wins.

As caregivers, we can be vulnerable to getting our priorities out of whack. We might function in survival mode or on autopilot. Our opportunity for thriving lies in learning to do both soul care and self care in an energizing and God-glorifying balance.

Psalm 107:9
For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

I hope you won’t neglect either one but recognize that you can actually live without one but not without the other. Your very life depends on the state of your soul.

RELATED: Respite Rhythms (Part 2): How Much is Enough?

What are you best at — taking care of yourself or taking care of your soul? Where is your focus?

You will be a better caregiver for others when you take good care of your soul.

Why is soul care so effective?

Soul care gets to the root of what most deeply and purely fuels us. Like our vehicles function better on premium fuel, the quality of what you feed your inner spirit influences how you function. When your energy and motivation are depleted, self care might tide you over for a while. But soul care will nourish and empower you in a fundamentally different way and for fundamentally different purposes.

Jesus prioritized soul care but stayed on top of self care too. He paid attention to meeting his personal needs eating healthy foods, taking time to relax, getting the sleep he needed (he even took naps), and doing a lot of walking (Matt 26:18, 20; Mark 1:16, 3:23, 4:38; Luke 7:36; John 10:40, 12:2).

Jesus also sought the company of friends (Matt 26:36-38) and enjoyed solitude. But he made personal prayer time a top priority and regularly started his day that way (Mark 1:35).

Prioritize soul care but stay on top of self care too.

Jesus also understood that maintaining healthy and God-honoring boundaries were necessary and demonstrated His trust that God would be the ultimate Supplier, Caregiver and Advocate. He was never in a hurry. He was interruptible. He understood that one way God fuels people and enriches their lives is when they are generous and sacrificial with their time, energy and resources by following Him into the world.

Proverbs 11:25-26
Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered.

You can be encouraged and energized knowing that God highly values what you are pouring into your family and others. Just remember that God will ease that load when you carry it His way and only bear the parts He has called you to.

Matthew 11:28-30
Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

We tend to put more things in the category of soul care than really belong there and then wonder why those things don’t refresh or sustain us for longer than they do. 

There is some overlap but far less so than what the enemy of your soul wants us to believe. A caregiver who enjoys little or no time for hobbies can still thrive. But a caregiver who harbors unforgiveness will struggle. A caregiver who relies too heavily on a well-ordered household for a sense of peace will gain only temporary relief from housecleaning. The state of one’s home cannot offer the kind of life-giving peace that comes from surrendering control. Our surroundings offer an illusion that is helpful but not sustainable and lacks eternal implications. (I’m preaching to myself here.)

We are called to choose our “burdens” carefully and learn to wear the “yoke” alongside Jesus. Soul care involves a partnership with the Holy Spirit.

Self care is fleeting. Soul care is forever.

Our children will reap lifelong benefits from seeing us model effective self care and soul care too. By modeling these priorities, even if imperfectly, we show your children that we all matter to God. As spouses juggle and navigate their own priorities and as special siblings grow up, they need to know their personal care matters. Your family is in a marathon. You will all need to stay fit for the long haul. You can help your loved ones learn how to do this well by learning to do it well yourself. Model personal care so that your spouse and children won’t worry about you. Model it so your children see that your marriage matters to you. Model it proactively so they are reassured their family will not run off the rails of exhaustion. Most of all, model soul care so that when the ultimate race is finished, your family can enjoy eternity together in heaven.

RELATED: Best Practices of Refreshed Moms

Don’t neglect self care or soul care but recognize that you can actually live without one but not without the other. Your very life depends on that state of your soul.

By all means, indulge in that pedicure — or whatever it is that refreshes you! Just consider prioritizing something that is truly fuel for your soul and then make self care a reward for choosing well.

Galatians 5:16-17
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.

Romans 11:36
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever.

In the battle between self-care and soul care, your soul will always win.

RELATED: 3-part series on Respite Rhythms

RELATED: Is Soul Care Biblical?


Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.

Respite Rhythms (Part 3): Pace Yourself!

This is Part 3 in our series and Respite Rhythms and another installment in the ongoing discussion about the 8 Habits of Caregivers with a Robust Support System. Today, I’m sharing some “pro tips” for you to consider. These ideas have been gathered from personal experience and numerous conversations with other family caregivers throughout over 20 years in ministry.

NOTE: Let me apologize, in advance: this is another long post. This subject is close to my heart, so I’ve had a lot to say about it. Rather than break it up into an even longer series, it seemed important to drop it out here in virtual land and let you digest it at your own pace. Hah! See what I did there? 😉


If you are the parent or other family caregiver of a loved one with disabilities, you will understand the scarcity of things like rest, discretionary time, spiritual retreats, or even spontaneous intimacy in the marriage bed. It may not be possible to get the frequency or nature of breaks you hope for. But it is possible to achieve an adequate rhythm of respite and find a reasonably balanced pace of refreshing activities.

In fact, it is essential for caregivers to achieve some reasonable balance in this area. Without it, we are at risk of things like bitterness, burnout, and breakdown. Adequate respite rhythms keep us resilient in the short term and sustainable for the long haul.

Make trusting God the foundation of your respite planning.

At Walk Right In Ministries, we’re big cheerleaders for people learning to walk in faith. We understand that it often starts with just a tiny bit of confidence or a sense of God’s prompting to start in a right direction by taking one single step toward trusting God.

A first step may be to set a date. You may not even know what you’re going to do with the time yet. Another approach is to be on the lookout for activities of interest. You may have noticed an upcoming event that would bring you joy (e.g., Christmas concert). Sometimes the first step will be identifying something you aspire to do (a destination you’ve always wanted to go, a new restaurant to try). Finding the date will come later.

For Larry and me, there have even been times that we saw an opportunity when having help at home would be easily established so we locked in a general timeframe with the caregivers (sometimes more than one tag-teaming in shifts) and only later started planning out specific details about where we would go, what we would do, and exactly how long we would be gone.

RELATED: Respite Rhythms (Part 1): Start with Trust

Experiment with the length, frequency, and nature of your breaks.

Some things absolutely must happen daily while other activities do not. Some trial-and-error can be both helpful and fun. (This can be especially true for couples when it comes to finding your rhythm in the marriage bed.) Whether you take a walk around the block a few days a week, take a date day off work while kids are at school or plan staycations, vacations, and tiny-bit-away-cations, find the kinds of opportunities that work for you and your family.

Remember the scrapbooking story from last week? Done is better than perfect!

Be alert for opportunities to grab a spontaneous break or extend a planned one.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself and those you love is take a nap. Learn to grab a power nap whenever a window of opportunity presents. If you need to set your pillow on the kitchen table as a reminder, do it. Getting up again may be painful but science shows that it’s worth setting a timer and going for it. Check out this article from the Sleep Foundation explaining nap science and napping tips here.

The next time you are booked for a haircut, consider adding on another service (e.g., manicure, pedicure, 15-minute chair massage) or run a fun errand to the thrift store on the way home.

Since half the battle of finding time for the haircut may be arranging help at home, asking your care supporter if they can add an hour may be easier than you think. You might be surprised how much difference one extra hour or one more night can make now and then. It can be easier to add on supports for a single respite experience than recreate all the logistics for a separate time.

I’ve discovered this to be true in my marriage respite as well. Larry and I find helpful refreshment from leaving the house for two or three hours to have dinner together. And highly coveted overnight getaways bring sweet renewal of connection between us. But I’ll be honest, one-night getaways are not always more helpful than a few hours out for dinner. By the time we check into a hotel room exhausted yet still fully engrained in the routines of home, it is very difficult to experience a meaningful time of it until we hit the 48-hour mark.

We know caregiving couples who have so little privacy and help at home that they have booked a hotel room overnight just to use it for an evening. Their evening may include take-out food and intimacy before heading right back home after using the room for only three to five hours!

Through trial-and-error, Larry and I have found that making an escape of at least two nights away, three to four times a year, is a tremendously helpful pace for us. That’s certainly not to say we always get it, but we know that’s a good “adequate rhythm” goal for us, so we work toward it.

One time when we were away for two nights, we sat down to lunch on the second day and Larry wistfully said, “I wish we’d booked a third night. It would have made such a difference.” Within minutes, we were texting home to see if the team would have flexibility to extend their shifts so we could stay away an extra night. It was an accidental discovery and blessing that has changed the way we approach planning the length of future getaways.

We have come to realize that a full three nights away makes all the difference in the world in terms of the quality of refreshing we gain from it. At that point, we’ve had an adequate opportunity to disconnect mentally and emotionally from what’s going on at home.

Of course, a full three-night getaway doesn’t happen nearly often enough. And none of this means we will turn down a single-night rendezvous. But we know what we can and cannot expect to get from these opportunities. And that is helpful.

Whether we are laying down for bed at home or away, we always pray, Lord, please make MUCH of this little!

Balance the pace of your respite to include both snacking and feasting.

The word respite may bring longer breaks to mind — weekends and week-long vacations. But don’t underestimate the benefit of a short break. Something really is better than nothing.

Try creating two lists of activities that give you any degree of refreshment. Fold a page in half vertically or draw a line creating two columns. Write SNACK (short, quick or easy breaks) at the top of one column and FEAST (generous rest stops) at the top of the other column. Keep the list hand for spontaneous inspiration and strategic planning. Add new ideas as they come to mind too.

Recognize that you need a balanced “diet” of activities from both lists. And to carry the food metaphor just a little farther, fasting is not healthy when it comes to respite breaks.

The same is true about prayer and reading scripture. You may not be able to join that in depth Bible study this year — or even next year — but you can download YouVersion to your phone so scripture is handy in the clinic waiting room or during those late-night hours awake with your child. (The app offers an enormous variety of reading plans and devotionals to help you get started and/or stay on track.) You might take in a 6-week small group study now and then. Or join with other family caregivers for Bible-based discussion as often as your schedule allows.

RELATED: Our Constant in the Chaos

Get eye-to-eye with a loved one and reconnect.

We don’t all have the same degree of need for deep affection with others. We don’t all have the same degree of need to feel part of the broader community either. But every single person needs some sense of connectedness to others. We are made in the image of God and that means we all need to feel like we belong somewhere, and we all need some exchange of love and affection in our close relationships.

I was recently reminded a sense of connection happens for me when I went to out to eat at a restaurant with my husband for the first time since before the pandemic. At home, we sit at a corner of our dinner table (90 degrees to each other) or side-by-side as one of us helps feed our daughter Carly. The side-by-side format was predominant during the pandemic. All of a sudden, we were eating straight across the table from each other, and I realized how intimate and encouraging it felt to look him in the eye while we ate and talked and shared a special evening.

We don’t really need to leave home to find that kind of connection. We simply need to be more intentional about how we position ourselves. Getting eye-to-eye with your loved ones will bring refreshment to you and to them.

Pay attention to how you and others in your family are uniquely refreshed by connections. Each person thrives in a unique rhythm that includes the number of people they want to be close to, how frequently they want to connect, and what they need to get out of that time with others.

RELATED: Tips for Caregivers about Feeling Valued and Competent

Maximize the energizing power of anticipation.

Spontaneous moments of rest may rarely come. So, having planned breaks on the calendar will help you pace yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Knowing something is out there on the horizon may be just the thing to get your through a particularly hard moment, day, or week. Don’t under-estimate the energizing potential of anticipation. Anticipation of an upcoming break can help a caregiver keep situations in perspective, maintain a positive outlook, and hold on to hope.

Get things on the family calendar and don’t apologize for taking appropriate breaks. Your next weekend getaway or bubble bath probably won’t come soon enough. But seeing it coming up on the calendar may help you get through another day. If you happen to feel guilty for taking breaks, ask yourself two questions as a “litmus test” about the quality and legitimacy of your break:

  • Is the nature and duration of my activity healthy and godly?
    See Exodus 20:3, Mark 9:42, Romans 12:1, Romans 14:13, 1 Corinthians 6:12, and 1 Corinthians 10:23.
  • Is my taking this break a positive model to my spouse, children and others of what their own respite can look like?

Plan two ahead.

My husband, Larry, and I have learned that when it comes to overnight getaways, it is incredibly helpful to start that experience already having a plan in place for the next time. “Seriously?” you may say, adding, “I have enough trouble planning one break!” Bear with me while I explain.

Before we even leave for the night or while we are gone, we try to put a date on the calendar for the next time. It may be dinner again in a couple of weeks or an overnight 6 months away. But knowing it’s coming reduces some of the sting and disappointment of seeing the present moments coming to an end.

Earlier this summer we enjoyed a 5-day staycation alone at home while one of our daughters took Carly to their grandparents’ home for a “camp-like” week together. Needless to say, this was an indescribable gift to us. In the rare times we’ve had such a break, we have wrestled to fully enjoy it because we grieve how long it will be before it happens again.

When “camp week” came around this summer, it just so happened we had also planned a two-night anniversary getaway to happen about a week after they returned. On multiple occasions during “camp week,” I caught myself lamenting how quickly the week was going by. I was so grateful for the chance to take that thought immediately captive to the vision of being alone with Larry again a few days later. Whether that second tiny-bit-away-cation had been days or months following the staycation, it still would have been a powerfully comforting vision to hold.

Don’t let the enemy steal, kill, or destroy your fueling process.

Larry and I have learned to expect that there will be spiritual warfare around respite. Ah, let me count the ways this has manifested for us and the stories we’ve heard from others! The enemy’s favorite battle ground is the family and our relationship with God. We should not be surprised. We should approach it, not as victims, but as the victors we are in Christ!

The enemy has interrupted plans or caused the complete cancellation of them. We have frequently found that Carly’s sleep is at its worst in the days before we leave (to steal our joy in preparing to go) or the days after we return (to destroy the benefits we gained in getting rest).

Too often, warfare has taken the form of conflict between Larry and me. It is not uncommon for us to encounter tension or division just before, during, and/or immediately after having some time away together. Ultimately, we have become more proactive in praying about this and being on guard about sensitivities and vulnerabilities. We expect them and watch for them so that, when they happen, we are ready and less inclined to let something get under our skin. These days, instead of quickly escalating to frustration and anger when Carly keeps me awake for three nights before I leave, I do these things:

  1. Pray assertively, in the name of Jesus, against the powers of darkness while reminding myself that Carly and my husband are not my enemies.
  2. Plan little or nothing for the first morning away in a hotel so that I can sleep until noon if I want or need to.
  3. Learn to laugh with God at the foolishness of an enemy who thinks we can be easily shaken. I shake my head and speak the victory of Jesus shed blood over the situation saying, “Not today, you devil. Not today!”

The fuel tanks of our souls need things like encouragement, rest, joy, hope, peace too. What restores those things is different for everyone. It helps to learn your caregiving sweet spots and try to stay in them as much as possible. It’s also necessary to stay nourished by God most of all. He knows you better than you know yourself. He intimately knows what you need. And He alone has ability to perfectly meet your needs in the best ways and times.

RELATED: Read how Stephanie O. Hubach explains three possible responses to the relentlessness of disability in chapter 4 of her book Same Lake Different Boat.

Prioritize soul care but stay on top of self-care too.

Self-care and soul care are not entirely the same thing; Sometimes there is overlap but these two things are not to be confused. Self-care fuels your body and mind. Soul care fuels your spirit, sense of purpose, and hopefulness about the future. Self-care tends to keep us thinking about and relying on ourselves. Soul care points us to Christ, our ultimate Source for purpose, help, and hope.

Don’t neglect either self-care or soul care but recognize that you can actually live without one but not without the other. Your very life depends on that state of your soul.


Find a rhythm that works for you and then make it a priority to seek out help and guard that time with kind and respectful boundaries.

No matter what plans we make to establish respite rhythms, we are best off to hold them loosely while not giving up too quickly. We can expect very little satisfaction from the things of this world. There will be few perfect breaks. The full weight of our expectations about respite or anything else ultimately rests on the shoulders of Jesus.

With our expectations on God, we can anticipate the surprises of His love and trust that any thwarted plans will ultimately be redeemed in some way.

Respite won’t happen if you don’t prioritize it and start taking steps in that direction. You don’t have to see the whole plan and logistics worked out all at once.

Just take the first step in faith.


Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.

An Introduction to Special Needs Financial Planning

We’ve been sharing a lot lately about cultivating robust supports around your family impacted by disability. Since financial planning is one part of that process — and an intimidating part for many people, indeed — we wanted to take a side step in this post to share a some very practical insights from a respected friend. The following article first appeared at the Thrivent blog on June 24, 2021. It is re-shared here with the permission of Alex Gonzalez, the author of the article and a current Board member here at Walk Right In Ministries. Please feel welcome to make an appointment with Alex if you have specific questions about your own financial planning process.


Raising a child with special needs can bring joy and challenges in equal measure. Alex Gonzalez and his wife, Simone, know this well because their oldest son, Jake, lives with autism and Asperger syndrome.

Alex sums up his experience as a parent and his guidance as a Thrivent financial consultant with this simple message: “Try not to go it alone.”

“It’s stressful when a parent receives a diagnosis that their child’s physical or cognitive challenges will continue for life,” he says. “It’s normal to feel anger and grief. My wife and I needed to adjust our thinking in those painful times.”

Thanks to a supportive school district and careful planning, at 26 years old, Jake is working full time and living independently. Here is what you can learn from the Gonzalez family.

Create a financial plan unique to your family.

It is common for parents to prioritize their child’s needs over their own, especially financially. Studies by the American College of Financial Services indicate that 90% of special needs and disability family members and caregivers admit that caring for their loved one is more important to them than planning for their own retirement. But it could be even more difficult to help your loved ones if your financial future is in jeopardy.

Start by mapping out your own long-term financial needs.

Alex recommends parents work with a financial professional to create a financial plan* for long-term clarity. “It’s like the scenario where you’re on an airplane and the flight attendant tells you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping your child,” he says. For example, “If you don’t have the right kind of disability income insurance and become disabled, you will have a harder time helping your disabled child.”

Update your retirement income plans to include your child’s needs.

Putting together a solid retirement plan is also vital. From calculating retirement income needs to setting strategies to optimize Social Security or other government benefits, there are many things to consider. “Parents realize that their retirement budget could have an extra line item for their child’s supplemental costs,” Alex says. For example, accounting for the expense of experiences or services that aren’t covered by government benefits such as transportation expenses (car, travel, etc.) or therapy that isn’t covered.

And making sure that your beneficiaries are in good order is critical. Alex tells of a young adult whose parents passed away after naming their son as beneficiary of their 401(k) retirement accounts. If they had a financial professional helping with their plans, the parents would likely have known such a decision would jeopardize their son’s ability to receive the need-based government assistance he qualified for. While a situation like this is able to be remedied, it would likely take time and resources to help ensure your wishes are carried out as you intended.

Leverage the tax-advantaged ABLE account.

What is an ABLE account? An ABLE account (Achieving a Better Life Experience Act) was established by Congress in 2014 and offers individuals whose disability began before age 26 a tax-advantaged way to save money without affecting their government benefits. 

The law was in response to a potential roadblock that families faced in the strict qualification rules for need-based government assistance. Assets in the child’s name must not exceed the threshold of eligibility to qualify for Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a federal program that provides money for food and housing; and Medicaid, a state and federal program that pays for medical expenses.

The list of ways ABLE accounts may be used includes:

  • Basic living expenses
  • Housing
  • Education and training
  • Transportation
  • Assistive technology
  • Financial management and legal fees

ABLE account earnings grow tax deferred, and withdrawals are free from income tax if used for qualified disability expenses. ABLE accounts are set up through a state or state agency that administers them.

Family members and others may contribute up to the maximum yearly limit of $15,000. Government benefits will not be affected if the account stays under a total of $100,000. Any funds remaining in the ABLE account at the beneficiary’s death may be required to repay government benefits received while the account was funded. 

Consider setting up a special needs trust for your child.

An irrevocable special needs trust is a more complex planning tool that allows you or loved ones to leave assets to your child without affecting the individual’s government assistance. There are two types of special needs trusts, commonly referred to as first-party and third-party trusts.

First-party special needs trust:

A first-party special needs trust is funded with assets from the disabled individual, such as from an inheritance in their name. At the individual’s death, proceeds in a first-party trust may be required to reimburse Social Security and Medicare for services received.

Third-party special needs trust:

A third-party special needs trust is funded with assets from other loved ones, such as with proceeds from a life insurance policy. No payback is required from a third-party trust at an individual’s death.

Funds in either type of special needs trust may be used for a wide variety of expenses, including:

  • Education
  • Travel and recreation
  • Assistive and electronic equipment and appliances
  • Companion assistants
  • Vehicles

Special needs trusts are meant to supplement but not replace benefits an individual receives, making it especially important that a trust be properly drafted to accomplish its goals of preserving benefits.

Find the support you need.

Every family needs support—both personal and professional. Your inner circle for your family’s journey may Include grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles. You might also lean on friends, your community and parent support groups.

You also may need to call in experts as well. Depending on your child’s needs and age, seek support from:

  • Your local school district.
  • A disability consulting service that can advocate for you and your child.
  • Housing assistance for special needs adults.
  • Employment agencies that encourage independence.
  • A special needs tax advisor.
  • An attorney for necessary legal documents and trusts.
  • A financial professional to help you implement your long-term financial strategy.

“These are not easy conversations, but empathetic financial professionals can help facilitate them as part of a special needs financial plan,” Alex says.

Connect with a Thrivent financial professional to create a comprehensive financial strategy that considers the overall well-being of your family. They can also help you find advocates and legal advisors who can assist your family.


Click here for the WRIM profile on the Thrivent Choice catalogue.

Walk Right In Ministries is approved as a Thrivent Choice organization meaning that Thrivent clients can direct their Choice Dollars to WRIM. If you are a Thrivent member, would you consider WRIM the next time you are dedicating Choice Dollars? (Thrivent pays the processing fees so that 100% of every donation through Thrivent Choice goes to WRIM and to build faith and community with special needs families. WRIM is also eligible to receive grant funding.) Find our profile link here.

We would also appreciate very much if you would take just a moment to give WRIM an online recommendation in the Thrivent Choice catalogue. You can do that here

8 Truths About Disability & Relationships

The Bible provides many anchoring truths to guide us and spur us on in life. Caregiving families see those truths tested with extraordinary perspective. We also get to see — up close — how a foundation in certain truths stirs our compassion for each other, bolsters our sense of purpose in suffering, and reassures us that each person in our family is celebrated by God.

Each and every one of us is one hundred percent unique,
purposed for God’s kingdom,
and made for belonging.

Consider how our lives would be transformed if we really believed this one thing about ourselves and each other!

Let’s take a closer look at this foundational belief through the lens of eight truths about disability and relationships. By transforming the way we think, God’s truth has power to shape the way we live. By shaping the way we live, God’s equips us to cope with challenge or crisis. As we learn to cope — by the power of the Holy Spirit — we thrive in relationships with God and others.

God's good design is reflected in every person.

God’s good design is reflected in every person.

The fingerprints of God are on every person and circumstance. No matter how complex, senseless or hopeless a situation looks, every person has value and carries the image and power of Christ in them with the potential to contribute God-purposed things to this world.

Exodus 4:11
Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD?

Psalm 139:13-15
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Suffering and weakness do not negate the value of life.

Suffering and weakness do not negate the value of life. 

Our culture hates inconvenience. Jesus welcomed interruptions and weaknesses as Divine opportunities. His value system is quite unlike the world’s. We worship knowledge and intelligence. God values wisdom over knowledge, and character over intelligence.

Our personal worth, our value to God, even the degree of our sin are not dependent on our abilities or anything we can earn. That means we are completely free of responsibility to earn God’s favor. All that God requires of us is faith. Even faith that is metaphorically as small as a mustard seed — one of the smallest seeds in the plant kingdom— is enough for Him.

Romans 3:23
All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Ephesians 2:8-9
God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

1 Corinthians 12:22
The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable.

God is not limited by anything.

God is not limited by anything.

Issues that are so complicated for us are really very simple to God.

We scratch our heads (or pull our hair) over suffering that seems senseless. We wrestle with dilemmas about everything from medical ethics to school services to whether to accept governmental disability benefits. We train ourselves in different ways to pray for healing that might be more effective. We wait, often for a very long time, for answers to our questions and God’s response in areas where we are powerless.

In his book, Why the Church Needs Bioethics, John F. Kilner offers relatable encouragement, “Godly waiting reorients human beings from demanding that God perform, to prayerfully declaring that God’s character is holy, good, just, full of mercy, abounding in grace, and the source of all comfort. God’s gifts are good, both to desire and receive. The human heart tends to strive stubbornly for its wishes rather than rest in the contentment that flows from acknowledging God’s faithful blessings.”

Isaiah 45:7
I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the LORD, who does all these things.

Jeremiah 32:27
“Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me?

Disability frees a person to multiply grace.

Disability frees a person to multiply grace.

The culture values self, comfort, happiness, ease and an entitlement mentality. We feel no one deserves to suffer. Yet suffering positions us to give and receive unique and good gifts from our Heavenly Father and each other.

Disabilities help us appreciate different values like slowing down and unconditional love. The world teaches self-reliance. The Bible teaches God-reliance. There are times when the hardships of disability stretch us to trust God more. Over time, we become increasingly reassured of His faithfulness. We learn how freeing it is to surrender our weaknesses to the God of the universe!

Those who are most dependent are most freely used by God as a means for grace. My daughter with Angelman Syndrome is not limited by the need to work eight hours and tend to a home. She is entirely available to bring joy and love to others in a way that is profound and unique to her.  She teaches us humility in caregiving. She shows us how to persevere despite external obstacles and internal limitations — hers, and our own. She gives us a living picture of God’s unconditional love and challenges us to love one another well.

I must admit, my husband and I have often wished we could protect Carly’s siblings and others from the “burden” of her care. Yet we are reminded that the promise of God’s grace is just as much opportunity for them as it has been for us. 

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

God is first and foremost concerned with our hearts.

God is first and foremost concerned with our hearts.

Disability, suffering, and weakness remind us of the severity — and very broad reach — of the impact of Adam’s sin. We see in Mark 2:5 that God is generally more interested in changing people than changing their circumstances.

Mark 2:5
And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

Our relationship to God and others is what matters most to Him. And God will use whatever method he needs to in order to accomplish that intimacy. This means that God’s response to our requests for healing, to our weaknesses and sin, and to all of our concerns in life, always begins and ends with how our circumstances work to shift our focus and affections toward Him and then others.

Jesus said the two greatest commandments were to love God and love each other. We were told to carry our crosses instead of seeking our own comfort or happiness. Suffering makes us long more for heaven and less for the world. It encourages a Kingdom perspective. Others will see that God Himself is our treasure.

God desires to restore us to right relationship with Him and others.

God desires to restore us to right relationship with Him and others.

God loves us even before we love Him. He created us and wants to be intimately near to us. Our lives will not be untroubled, but they will be deeply satisfying and life-giving when our choices, attitudes and beliefs drive us toward God rather than away from Him. Until we choose to receive the generous love Jesus offers, we will miss out on the richness of life and relationships.

In his book Disability and the Sovereign Goodness of God, John Piper offers this challenge: “The truth is that suffering can only have ultimate meaning in relation to God. Jesus says that the purpose of blindness is to put the work of God on display. This means that for our suffering to have ultimate meaning, God must be supremely valuable to us. More valuable than health and life. Many things in the Bible make no sense until God becomes your supreme value.”

Romans 8:26-28
We do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

1 John 4:19
We love each other because he loved us first.

If you are ready for a reset in your relationship with Jesus, watch here.

God transforms people and churches when we engage with each other through the adverse circumstances of our lives.

God transforms people and churches when we engage with each other through the adverse circumstances of our lives.

Christ-following families living with disability know the transforming power of doing life together in diverse community. Our own families are a picture of this on the smallest scale. Imagine what the family of God would look like if we learned to live out that same kind of community on a large, Kingdom-minded scale!

It is really really important for leaders in the Church to recognize and embrace this truth too. Individuals and families impacted by disability need to know they belong. As the Church, we need to get engaged with each other amidst challenges. But we don’t do this just because we are really nice people. We need to get involved in messy lives because God tells us to, because Jesus showed us how to, and because the Word promises that God will glorify Himself and give good gifts through unique people and unusual circumstances.

Godly communities make the compassion and truth of Jesus easily accessible to all who seek it.

Godly communities make the compassion and truth of Jesus easily accessible to all who seek it.

Making church and church programs accessible is a matter of eternal salvation for any person. This certainly includes people with disabilities and their families.

We have an opportunity to defend life. This opportunity has nothing to do with anyone’s ability. It has everything to do with making the Good News of Jesus known to all. Jesus is the Giver of life and the Way to life. He is the Giver of all good gifts. He witholds no good thing from those who walk in faith (Psalm 84:11). We are called to follow in that Way — to walk in that Light.

1 John 1:5-7
This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

Of this we can be sure:

God made each of us for a purpose and is going to help us in that purpose.


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Can Caregivers Expect Something Out-of-this-World?

I confess, I am one of those people who can have high expectations. I believe for the best in people. Even more, I expect great things of myself. I’m not looking for perfection, but I do highly value progress. I naturally see when there are opportunities for something — or someone — to grow or improve. Especially when that “someone” is me. It can be a lot of pressure. This inclination can be a helpful gift and it can be a great burden.

But I’m not offering this admission in order to wander into a detailed analysis of the strengths, weaknesses or sins of my observant, analytical, and deep-thinking ways. My aim here is to initiate some reflection on and potential transformation of the expectations caregivers can tend to develop.

You see, when parents find themselves in a life of complex — possibly even lifetime — caregiving, as we have with our daughter, Carly, we are regularly faced with hoping for healing, praying over various obstacles and longing for sleep. We are constantly grappling with expectations that life could get better or easier while frequently pushed to the limits of our capabilities and capacities. For me, this has been true countless times. It became exponentially truer when the pandemic hit.

Every special needs parent reading this has some idea about what I mean.

When the needs of our child are complicated by disability and/or medical issues, the bar of expectations is naturally raised. We are quite desperately reliant on having a robust system of supports in place in order to maintain quality of life. We need professionals to be on the top of their game. We need churches that will step up to a big plate. We need schools that are exceedingly creative and committed to partnership. We need our families and friends to be generous with time, courage and grace. Yes, so much grace.

We don’t want to be so needy. But we have found ourselves in an unexpected dilemma. Like it or not, caregiving radically alters our realities and mindsets about what we need and expect from ourselves, others, life, and God. We must work out our expectations of that system on a daily basis.

As we learn to live in attentiveness to the Holy Spirit, we can simultaneously feel confidently equipped for our responsibilities while utterly reliant on God.

When we feel things like weakness, grief, stress, anger, or pressure, we are tempted to look toward things of the world to strengthen us — or at least make us feel strong. But the world disappoints. People fall short of what we need from them. And we disappoint ourselves too. Our flesh may cry out in shame, bitterness, confusion, and frustration (Psalm 121).

It can be exhausting.

Unless we learn to do two critical things:

  1. Accept that this world will always fall short of our needs and expectations. People will let us down.
  2. Recognize the Sovereign goodness of God and the role He plays on our team.

Several years ago, I heard this sentiment in a sermon: “We must expect everything from God and very little from the world.” While I already appreciated that my ultimate hope and rest were in Jesus (Galatians 6:7-8), hearing that shifted my perspective and gave me a new mindset, particularly as it related to being part of a family with such signIficant needs.

In 8 Habits of Caregivers with a Robust Support System, I shared that one of those habits that effective, healthy caregivers manage to develop is this:

Adopt low expectations of the world — and out-of-this-world expectations of God.

If we had to boil all of this caregiving life down to one essential, game-changing habit, this one would be it!

Our culture values self-reliance. But if you believe that you are ultimately the one responsible for yourself and a loved one who experiences challenges and limitations, you are likely to carry burdens of inadequacy, shame, or low self-esteem. You may even burn out completely. If you are too demanding of others, they are likely to pull away and leave you feeling more alone than ever.

Caregiving radically alters our realities and mindsets about what we need and expect from ourselves, others, life, and God. We must work out our expectations of that system on a daily basis.

Receive this encouragement from Stephanie Hubach in her book Same Lake Different Boat:

“The life affected by disability is a marathon, not a sprint, and it requires the engagement of others who are willing to run the race alongside—mile marker after mile marker after mile marker. But in the relentlessness of disability is also found a hidden gift, a potential measure of God-reliance that empowers the ability to “go the distance.” Let us learn faithfulness borne of utter dependency on God.”

Only God is entirely trustworthy and perfectly capable of meeting your needs. This includes your needs for encouragement and acceptance. You can anticipate that He’ll surprise you with His generosity and creativity (Ephesians 3:14-21). God will absolutely bring justice and Kingdom purpose out of your adversity (Psalm 37:6). Psalm 104 and Psalm 136). And He will keep providing reminders about where your true help and hope comes from (Psalm 62).

While we are developing well-paced and well-purposed connections, we need to guard our hearts and minds about the balance of our expectations. It is a constant tension. As we learn to live in attentiveness to the Holy Spirit, we can simultaneously feel confidently equipped for our responsibilities while utterly reliant on God (2 Corinthians 1:8-11).

Sometimes people will surprise us and go beyond what we hoped (2 Cor 8:5). But, more often than not, our faith muscles will get stretched because someone is disappointing us. With God, we can always expect Him to do something wildly unexpected — and I mean always and way beyond our imaginings. (Eph 3:20).

That’s just the nature of a holy and omnipotent God.

Ephesians 3:14-21
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, 15 the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. 16 I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. 17 Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. 20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. 21 Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

With God, we can always expect Him to do something wildly unexpected — and I mean always and way beyond our imaginings.


Lisa Jamieson, co-founder Walk Right In Ministries

Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.


If you’re needing extra confidence, encouragement, or tools to assist you in finding your caregiving groove, please reach out for professional help. Consider caregiver consulting or professional counseling for personalized care. Walk Right In Ministries is available to help you with education, consulting services, counseling, and referrals to meaningful resources. Our team collaborates with a broad network of local and national organizations dedicated to strengthening churches, communities, and families when disabilities are involved. Fill out the Interest Form or visit us at WalkRightIn.org to learn more.


8 Habits of Caregivers with a Robust Support System

A strong and healthy support system is crucial for caregivers. Robust supports will reduce stress and positively impact physical health as well as mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. In a great many cases, a strong support system even impacts a family’s financial health by ensuring a caregiver’s employability outside the home.

You may feel confident that you and your family can remain healthy and on track. But that is very difficult without support. Be careful about letting the good days lure you into complacency about cultivating healthy systems and robust resources. You will benefit greatly by being proactive in this area. Use the energy you have in those stronger days to be intentional and forward-thinking about how to foster the kinds of supports you’ll need for the harder days.

Caregivers can develop habits that optimize their social supports which include emotional, practical, informational, and attitudinal resources. Those you find listed here are meant to empower you, not intimidate you. After all, we’re all in a work in process.

Healthy momentum should be the goal, not perfection. Think of these habits as a guide rather than a destination. They aim at helping caregivers maintain satisfying progress and keep from getting stuck on the often arduous and lonely road of caring for a loved one with disabilities, medically complex conditions, mental health concerns or other special needs.

  1. Approach caregiver fatigue with a proactive mindset.
    When a loved one has disabilities or complex medical needs, caregivers tend to become very aware of their limitations, weaknesses, and weariness. Effective caregivers recognize they are vulnerable to battle fatigue and they work to stay ahead of it. They are intentional and strategic about cultivating a network of prayerful and supportive warriors.

  2. Maintain a clear sense of purpose.
    Identifying your purpose in being a caregiver will help you stay focused on your goals, be reminded of your value to others, enable you to remain compassionate, give you a reason to persevere, reassure you that there are brighter days ahead, and relieve you of guilt and fear about cultivating support.

  3. Know your unique strengths and learn how to stay in the groove of those strengths.
    Did you know there are things about you that make you uniquely equipped to care for others very well? A simple reflection on Psalm 139 quickly reveals that you are God’s work of art. Caregiving is a drain on your energy and will threaten your reserves. Just as your body needs fuel to stay alive and energized, your soul needs nourishment too. By recognizing and accepting you have certain strengths as well as areas of limitation and vulnerability, you can help you optimize those strengths and learn healthy, godly ways to stay out of the weeds of your weaknesses. It can also provide clues about opportunity areas for bolstering your support system with complementary strengths.

    RELATED: Check out our blog series about finding your caregiver “sweet spots.”

  4. Ask for help.
    You can’t assume people know that you need help or understand how they can contribute. Most caregivers with robust support have learned to be bold and courageous about seeking help. They have learned to delegate through clear and direct invitations.

    I learned a valuable lesson from one of my own adult daughters. She is involved with the national Sibling Leadership Network and explains that siblings want invitations to participate without any sense of obligation. When you make needs humbly and enthusiastically known without attaching them to expectations, those who offer to help can do so with genuine desire. Their commitment could be more long-lasting and more deeply satisfying for everyone.

    Ultimately, you’ll need to admit that you are powerless and need God’s help with circumstances, relationships, responsibilities, emotional health, and finding encouragement. In a future post, I’ll share more about how you can recruit help among friends, family, neighbors, church members, and professionals.

  5. Cultivate a cooperative environment.
    As a team is required, God also equips everyone on the team with unique ways and capacities for interacting with the others. Aim to optimize the strengths and capacities of each person within an atmosphere that features cooperation, compromise, and compassion. This will enhance motivation, build self-esteem, and bring personal and shared satisfaction.

    RELATED: Boosting Family Morale: Developing a Complementary System.

  6. Find your personal pace for an adequate rhythm of respite.
    Caregivers typically have very little discretionary time and few are able to get all the breaks they need. But some degree of adequate rest is essential for everyone. Your proactive mindset helps you learn to grab every opportunity for down time. But spontaneous moments of rest may rarely come. So, having planned breaks on the calendar can be powerful in helping you pace yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Knowing something is out there on the horizon may be just the thing to get your through a particularly hard moment, day, or week. I’ll explore specific examples and ideas for your inspiration in a future post.

  7. Share everything with Jesus.
    Pray without ceasing and don’t be afraid to show your raw emotions with God. Open your heart and mind to the Lord. Explore your hopes, dreams, sorrows, disappointment, needs, challenges, failures, gratitude, joys, and pleasures. Everything. Sometimes there won’t even be words for the groaning of your soul. The Israelites understood this (Exodus 2:23). King David understood this (Psalm 13). God understands too. Be assured, words are not necessary. God hears our groans and sees us (Exodus 2:24-25). His help and hope are deeply personal (Romans 8:22-27).

  8. Adopt low expectations of the world — and out-of-this-world expectations of God.
    Managing expectations is a constant tension for caregivers. Even when your expectations are in balance, you will simultaneously feel confidently equipped for your responsibilities while utterly reliant on God (2 Corinthians 1:8-11). Only God is completely trustworthy and perfectly capable of meeting your needs. The people and things of this world can be a great blessing from the Lord but those provisions will always fall short of being enough. On some level, people will always disappoint you because you were made to need God most of all. Your ultimate hope and rest are in Jesus (Galatians 6:7-8).

The more you learn to walk in these habits, the stronger you will be against symptoms of battle fatigue. We’ll be exploring more about these habits in upcoming posts. I hope you’ll come back often, reflect, share your own “best practices”, and grow with us.

If you’re needing extra confidence, encouragement, or tools to assist you in finding your groove, please reach out for professional help. Consider caregiver consulting or professional counseling for personalized care.

Walk Right In Ministries is available to help you with education, consulting services, counseling, and referrals to meaningful resources. Our team collaborates with a broad network of local and national organizations dedicated to strengthening churches, communities, and families when disabilities are involved. Fill out the Interest Form or visit us at WalkRightIn.org to learn more.

RELATED: Flourishing Families with Matt Mooney.


Lisa Jamieson

Lisa Jamieson is a caregiver consultant, pastoral counsellor and author of popular books and Bible studies including Finding Glory in the Thorns and Jesus, Let’s Talk. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Together, the Jamiesons founded Walk Right In Ministries in 2008, a non-profit organization building faith and community with special needs families.

Communication: The Avenue to Connection

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about open communication in caregiving families and explicitly communicating our needs to those around us. As I was writing that blog, so many more thoughts flooded my mind about the importance of communication. There are so many simple things that we overlook as we try to connect with those around us. And isn’t our ultimate goal for connection?

Let me start by saying, I am not writing these blogs because I am good at communication. In fact, it’s probably more accurate to say that I’m writing these blogs because I’m often bad at it. But I guess when you hit a wall enough times, you eventually learn how to climb over it. 

Connection is a two-way street and we all know it takes two to tango. However, we only have power over our own personal behavior and growth. So, that is what my blogs will be focused on. I want to share on what each of us can do individually to make ourselves more available for connection.

One of the keys to a good relationship in any area of our lives is communication. It sounds elementary, but if we take a good look, many of the problems we have in our relationships come from a lack of good communication. As much as we all would like to believe we are experts at this and it’s everyone else’s problem [cough cough], let me suggest that we can always keep growing in this area. 

We have to learn to communicate because communication is an avenue towards connection. And our ultimate goal is connection!

If you want people to cross the line to connect with you, you might start by crossing the line to connect with them. The easiest way to connect is to be the first one to reach out the hand. 

I understand that this can require some vulnerability, especially if the relationship is already strained. But the way I see it, you have a choice. You can live disconnected from those you long to be connected with most, or you can take baby steps to change and build connection.

Connection has to be built and maintained. 

Have you ever been a part of a team at work, school, or church where you were assigned to a task with others and felt so connected to those people you were with that the task itself became simple? On the opposite spectrum, have you found yourself on a team that felt completely disconnected? Did you find it difficult to even want to do the task itself because of the team didn’t seem connected? 

I’m convinced you can do almost anything if you feel connected. 

As special needs families, we have no choice but to become a team. When that team feels connected, navigating the day-to-day care needs and high stress moments becomes a much lighter task. However, when that team feels disconnected, the day to day can start to feel very heavy. 

Let me emphasize a truth we all know in our hearts, but sometimes forget. 

We were not made to do life alone. 

Or another way to say it: We were not made to do life feeling alone.

So what if we made it our goal this year to become better connected at all costs? What if we took this time, while many of us are stuck in our homes, to reconnect with those right in front of us — to make protecting and cultivating connection within our families a higher priority than anything else?

My upcoming blogs will be dedicated to this subject, because I believe that the only way to thrive is to live connected! 

I hope that you’ll find helpful tools in my series and from all the writers contributing to the Walk Right In Ministries blogs. We hope something of our own stories, experiences, tips and encouragement will spur you on. I hope you’ll be inspired to rekindle connectedness with those around you and even think creatively about making some new connections! Time spent working on this is never wasted. I think we can come out of this most interesting season of our lives learning more about ourselves and creating new pathways to better things.

Let me encourage you. If you are discouraged reading this because of the state of some relationship(s) in your life, let me tell you something. No relationship or situation is too far gone. Connection can require intentionality, forgiveness and patience. But it is never too late to start building something together. The key is just to start!

So let’s start together. 

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

ISAIAH 43:18-19

Erin is a singer-songwriter and worship leader. Her songwriting, blogging, and speaking is often inspired by challenges and insights she experienced growing up in a family affected by disability. Erin serves with Walk Right In Ministries speaking on special sibling issues and assisting with social media. She has also served frequently in her community and home church as a worship leader. 

Erin earned her Bachelor of Arts Degree in Songwriting at Belmont University in Nashville and currently lives in California where she completed three years of study at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Her latest CD Come Alive (released 2018) and is available on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, YouTube and other streaming services.

Find out more at www.erinjamieson.com.

I Considered a Life Reset and Got the Reboot I Never Expected

In the late spring of 2020 when it started becoming clear that Covid quarantining wasn’t going to end soon, I started realizing a lifestyle reset was in order. It took several months and an untimely accident to shake me to my core and get my soul powered up for the long winter at home parenting an adult child who doesn’t understand why her world has so dramatically changed.

You know how it is when you restart your computer. The process is designed to clear errors and bring the system to normal condition in a controlled manner. My phone reminds me on a weekly basis to restart all of my devices. I’m told that a reset puts less stress on the hardware than power cycling because the power isn’t removed. How interesting!

I would really like my life to be cleared of errors and to feel like it’s working in an orderly manner. And, as this computer metaphor suggests, I would benefit from staying connected to my Power Source in the midst of transitions.

Life sure does benefit from a ‘restart’ now and again. Many of us try to reset our priorities on New Year’s Eve. A new schoolyear and birthdays are seen like fresh starts for many. Spiritually speaking, repentance gives us a chance to begin anew too.

Acts 3:19-20 
Now repent of your sins and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped away. Then times of refreshment will come from the presence of the Lord, and he will again send you Jesus, your appointed Messiah.

2 Corinthians 5:17 
Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

I’ve been desperate for refreshing lately while asking God to protect some old stuff I actually did NOT want gone!

My 22-year-old daughter Carly has Angelman Syndrome and lives at home. Her anxiety and difficult behaviors have ebbed and flowed through degrees of troublesome to exhausting throughout the pandemic. She’s confused. She’s lonely. She’s bored. She needs more physical touch — lots more. Like you and me, she’s sick of it all. But she doesn’t have effective coping skills or communication abilities to give voice to her many feelings and needs. She’s destroying clothing (chewing collars and sleeves, literally ripping pajamas off at night and risking damage to her teeth on zippers). She’s having trouble going to sleep at night and staying asleep throughout. She gets agitated during the day without our creatively offering as many choices as possible on laminated photo cards. I fear the poor girls feels like she has no control over her world anymore. Last week she bit me twice — hard. This from the girl who hasn’t bit me more than two or three times in her whole life until now.

In the midst of navigating Carly’s needs, the usual household chores and several pressing work deadlines, my husband and I sat down to finish recording a presentation we were doing for the Wonderfully Made Conference. We wrapped up just before lunch one day back in September and I decided to eat a sandwich on our deck while catching up on a few emails. After that I was going to record another of my personal presentations.

It was in that moment of sunshine when our already sideways world turned completely upside down.

I spilled a full glass of orange juice on my laptop. Let’s just say that the past four weeks since that day have been deeply disappointing, stretching and eye-opening. The irony of the situation was not lost on me. The conference presentation I was going to record after lunch that day was titled, “RESET: A Seasonal Necessity for Special Needs Families.”

My original inspiration for the subject was the pandemic. Now I was living a metaphor that had me squirming deeply. It took me to my knees day after day while we waited for the data recovery specialist to bring news that my badly damaged hard drive was restored. A couple of weeks went by and the conference organizers were graciously waiting on me. But their window of flexibility was quickly narrowing. Other concerns and timelines were looming too.

One morning, I had a caregiver staffed with Carly for the day so I could get back to regrouping and trying to record my presentation from memory — without my notes or PowerPoint slides. I was tempted to throw down breakfast and head straight into the battle before me. I longed to take a cup of tea and my Bible to our deck as the warm fall days will soon be past. But that felt indulgent on a day when opportunity to “take the hill” was in front of me and I had help with Carly for a limited time.

Reluctantly taking a lesson from myself and many past talks I’ve given to countless others, I leaned into Jesus’ prompting to carry His lighter burden and go to the deck anyway. Against all my task-oriented leanings and self-reliant ways, I tried to yield to that still small voice that wooed me, “be still, Lisa.” One of the original verses I had planned to reference in the RESET talk was ringing in my ears, “Come to me…find rest for your soul.” (Matthew 11:28-29)

I sat down wondering where to open my Bible but got distracted. My mind wandered to Joshua 3 and 4. Those are favorite passages that inspired the naming of Walk Right In Ministries back in 2008. And they continue to be reminder and inspiration to me about walking in faith, one step at a time, and trusting God to show each next step as I trust Him and obey Him.

For a moment I got curious. What, specifically, happened right after the Israelites crossed over the Jordan River to the Promised Land? I could specifically recall. I knew that their lives of slavery and then wandering in the desert were followed by a period of many victories in battles that seemed insurmountable. But I couldn’t remember whether the Bible gave any specifics about the transition period between marking the Gilgal spot with a pile of rocks and then heading into that first battle.

Immediately, I had a sense that there could be clues in Joshua 5 or a powerful example of a God-style, God-sized, power-packed reset. What I found there was, in fact, a gold mine. Within about 15 minutes time, I had a roadmap and encouragement to step back into my life with peace and a renewed sense of empowerment. My fear was gone and my frustration was released. The sense of pressure I felt to dig into my projects no longer had a grip on me or my blood pressure. I felt like the soldiers walking quietly and patiently around Jericho simply waiting for the final blast of the horn. I wondered what walls God was planning to throw down when I had the chance to shout praise for His perfect timing and process on the road to my Promised Land.

That was a holy moment in my life. Reading Joshua 5 and 6 with a deep personal need and new perspective was just what I needed. I was no longer stuck and my process for a course correction was clear.

As a bonus, I had a brand new (and much better) outline for my presentation. What would have taken me a couple of days to rebuild, had been reestablished with fresh perspective and new fire (passion) in just minutes. Once again, the Divine irony.

Here is the Joshua reset model God showed me.

REAFFIRM IDENTITY Joshua 5:2-7

Remembering WHO and WHOSE they were was essential to claiming the promises and hope ahead. The only reason that circumcision mattered was because there was a promise on the other side.

We tend to let disability start to define us as individuals and a family. We can tend to give disability too much power over our grief, logistics, attitudes towards caregiving, etc.When one of our daughters once exclaimed in frustration many years ago, “We’re so high maintenance!” I knew we needed to review how we thought about disability in our family.

Romans 2:29 
True circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by the Spirit.

REST Joshua 5:8

Before heading straight into battle, the Israelites spent time recovering and regrouping from everything behind them.

Getting adequate self-care feels impossible for many caregivers. We need to have compassion for ourselves in weakness and trust God while we fight for refreshment in mind, body and spirit. I fight as hard for sleep, respite, vacations, staycations and deep connections with loved ones as I ever did for Carly’s IEPs, quality medical care, therapies and healing.

CELEBRATE Joshua 5:9-10

God told them to roll away the shame of their slavery in Egypt. He knew that the Passover Feast (a celebration of God’s faithfulness) would restore their confidence in Him, boost their morale and bond them as an army of warriors for the battle ahead.

Our investment in celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and family reunions — despite how difficult that can be to make happen — is a way to cultivate appreciation and grace for each other while developing relational bonds. Those bonds will be valuable to us and our children’s future in ways we probably can’t fully understand now.

FUEL UP Joshua 5:11-12

The Israelites stopped eating the manna of the past and starting nourishing on the crops of Canaan (the Promised Land).

Ecclesiastes 7:10 
Don’t long for the “good old days,” for you don’t know whether they were any better than today.

We have to keep saturating our minds with God’s promises, our future hope. There is too much temptation to dwell on life’s ease before disability or fantasies about what the future would look like without it. Fueling up on gratitude and God’s promises helps me keep my goals and priorities in perspective. Effective soul care keeps me energized too. Our family has used Christian temperament therapy for almost 25 years to understand how God uniquely created each one of us. And that helps us learn to optimize our strengths, recognize our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and teaches us how to tap our full potential by leaning into the power of the Holy Spirit within us.

WALK IN ATTENTIVENESS TO GOD Joshua 5:13 to Joshua 6:21

The Israelites needed to pay attention to God every step of the way. As he walked toward his battlefield, Joshua asked God, “What do you want your servant to do? (Joshua 5:14-15) As God’s army of chosen people asked for His leadership, trusted His strategy, obeyed methodically and responded thoroughly, God made them strong.

Seeking God for guidance and help as a lifestyle impacts how we put supports in place and build teams (respite staff, volunteer helpers, medical providers, supports planners, church, IEPs, guardianship and wills, etc.). God is ready to help us handle crisis (illness/hospitalization, pandemic) and approach transitions (education, caregiving team, jobs) too.

Joshua and the Israelite army did not rush but walked methodically in faith and obedience (Joshua 6:3-5) trusting for the promise (Joshua 6:2). They had to be thorough in their obedient follow-through by destroying everything and not taking anything with them. All of the plunder was to be an offering to the Lord. (Joshua 6:17-21).

This day and this situation is not just about WHAT and WHOSE battles we fight but HOW we fight them.

Matthew 11:28-29  Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach youand you will find rest for your souls. 

I’m still unpacking the full meaning of Joshua’s reset model for my own march toward the promises of God. And I’m excited. I’m no longer stuck in regrets about the past or lamenting what is lacking yet today. I’ve captured the vision of my Israelite ancestors and I’m walking in freedom, anticipating the surprises of God’s love.

What can this look like for YOU?
What are your next steps toward the promises God has for you and your family?
What is on the other side of COVID, our marriage storm or disability?
What is on the other side of anything that is disabling you or your family?

Like Joshua, let’s stop right now and pray, “What do you want me to do?” and then worship God. Joshua worshipped by taking off his sandals and recognizing the holiness of that moment on the edge of promise (Joshua 5:15).

Recognize YOUR Holy Moment!
Walk closely with your God and let Him pave your way to His love.

Watch Reset: A Seasonal Necessity for Special Needs Families.


LISA JAMIESON is a special needs family advocate and co-founder of Walk Right In Ministries where she serves as a caregiver coach and pastoral counsellor. Lisa and her husband, Larry, live in Minnesota with the youngest of their three grown daughters, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Lisa’s books and Bible studies include Finding Glory in the Thorns and the picture book Jesus, Let’s Talk.

Cooperative Cocooning

This pandemic season is creating a unique opportunity for intimate bonding with those we are closest to in life. Sure, it doesn’t always look or feel like creating sweet memories together. Bonding doesn’t always come easily in our home, that’s for sure! But our family is benefiting from learning to prioritize encouragement and cooperation. And I think — I pray — that a lot of us will look back and see that something very special happened in the grand scheme of this season.

Last week, we took some time out of quarantine tedium to play with friends on Facebook. Carly and Claire joined me for a Real Talk livestream we called “Pandemic Edition #1.” We sure had fun making some trail mix, playing a couple of online games with viewers and exploring what it looks like to “cocoon” well. The following notes share highlights from that conversation.


Thriving families have compassion for each other’s unique needs and they learn to cultivate a cooperative environment in their home.

  • Stress, anxiety, fear, fatigue, burnout and breakdown are minimized when we pay attention to each other’s unique needs for casual relationships, emotional connectedness, task orientation, control and decision-making. (For us, this includes paying attention to the family’s needs but also care support staff with Carly as well.)
  • Not everyone expresses their needs as openly or clearly as others. That doesn’t mean the needs don’t exist. The ways and degrees in which we express our needs to others can be influenced by our own natural inclinations but also by how we were raised, how safe we feel to speak up or whether we’re trying to protect others from others from more demands. Some of us simply aren’t that self-aware. And children are often not mature enough to know how to articulate what they are feeling or needing. In a cooperative environment, we are attentive to one another and help each other recognize and meet needs in healthy, God-honoring ways.
  • It’s not all about bonding and attachment to each other though. For many living in close confinement, there will be a need to learn/teach healthy detachment too. It’s okay for someone to take a break and go shut a door for a little while.

There are tremendous benefits in being intentional about caring for the soul needs of each person in your pandemic season cocoon. Why am I using the term “cocoon?” Cocooning is a term often used by adopting families for a period of seclusion they hold after an adoption. It allows for bonding while also protecting the immune system of an international child who isn’t yet vaccinated and wasn’t necessarily born to a mom with immunities to the various things someone might be exposed to in our country.

Cocooning is a term often used by adopting families for a period of seclusion they hold after an adoption. It allows for bonding while also protecting the immune system.

We all have our own unique soul needs. I used to read Psalm 139 with the focus of my attention on the way God had woven my body in a physical way. But God’s words took on deeper meaning when I considered that my “delicate” or “inward” parts included the way I think, how deeply I feel things, the way I express myself, the degrees to which I find fulfillment in tasks — all the complexities of my soul.

13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!

When God calls us His masterpieces (Ephesians 2:10), He means every detail about who we are is His handiwork. That includes our physical anatomy as well as our soul. Our soul craves communion with Him yet we chase things of the world to fill our needs. In quarantine season, in caregiving season, in any season when the needs of our soul are strained, we need Jesus most of all. But Jesus has compassion for us and gives us gifts out of the world to reveal His intimate understanding and value of us too.

These are some general areas where we each have our own unique degrees of need:

  • SOCIALIZATION or how we are satisfied in relationships includes two very different layers of social-emotional need.
    • Inclusion — a sense of casual association and connectedness
    • Affection — a sense of emotional connection within deeper relationships that is expressed through words (e.g., appreciation, affirmation) physical touch (e.g., hugs, snuggling, holding hands), gifts, acts of service and more
  • TASK ORIENTATION is not everybody’s genius. Staying focused or disciplined with accountability or inspiration can be tremendously challenging for some. For others (and I’m talking about me here), the “almighty task rules!” One inclination is not better than the other, just different.
    • A few people are appreciating that there are fewer distractions so they can tackle their lists and even catch up on some things around the house. (Take advantage of your natural household project managers and use this time to develop administrative skills in younger children.)
    • It will help some people to alternate between tasks and social activities, avoiding a focus on one or the other for long periods of time.
    • Some will find it helpful to complete tasks when they are connected with some social component.
  • CONTROL & DECISION-MAKING responsibilities may be shifting considerably during this quarantine season.
    • Logistics (groceries, healthcare, germ management, household clutter) must be managed differently for now.
    • Circumstances out of control may incline some people to overcompensate with substitutes. For example, a tidy house can create an illusion of control when everything else feels like chaos. A purged closet may refresh and energize the person whose heart is heavy with worry.
    • Pacing time in new ways will be energizing for some and exhausting for others. A slower pace can be very satisfying or will trigger anxiety in those who enjoy being busy.
    • Changing your environment can be a way to lift spirits. For example, rearrange the family room furniture, let the kids change around their bedrooms, use special plates for dinner, have a crazy hair day or purge some toys and clothing into “junk” and “share” boxes.
    • Giving each other plenty of choices. (For our daughter with special needs, this means pulling out neglected laminated photos, objects and iPad apps like GoTalk Now.) This can feel freeing and empowering when so many of our circumstances feel out of control. But some people feel overwhelmed by needing to make decisions. Perhaps you are someone who likes to share decision-making responsibilities. Doing so alone triggers anxiety or frustration. Collaborate on decisions as spouses or family whenever you can.

Just like having physical needs (body), God created us with mental and intellectual capacities (mind), and also emotional and spiritual needs (spirit). None of these needs is bad or wrong. But if our needs don’t get met, we tend to sink into our weaknesses and experience things like anxiety, depression, exhaustion and even sin.

We thrive when we learn to let Jesus fulfill the desires of our hearts more than anything or anyone else. As our Creator, He knows us intimately and He only gives good gifts to His children. After that, we can enjoy His generous gifts from the world in healthy, godly ways. And that includes living in cooperative and complementary ways with others.

Psalm 38:9
You know what I long for, Lord;
    you hear my every sigh.

Matthew 6:33
Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, 
and all these things will be added to you.

Around here, we’re trying to be attentive to what each other needs and have each other’s backs. That starts with praying for each other and then includes examples like these:

  • Giving each other permission to express and satisfy soul needs (harder for kids and some temperaments)
  • Inviting each other to rest or take personal time (private places, dedicated time)
  • Leaving a bedroom or office door open or shut (or putting a sign on the doorknob) showing kids/others when interruptions are welcome and when they are not
  • Defining or redefining roles and responsibilities according to how each person is most energized
  • Making our home a safe space to process things like grief and disappointment
  • Trying to call out the positives at least four times as often as we correct/coach/redirect
  • Learning cooperation and teamwork but relying on Jesus first and foremost (which also prevents us from putting unreasonable demands on each other)

In a cooperative environment, we are attentive to one another and help each other recognize and meet needs in healthy, God-honoring ways. #CooperativeCocooning

These verses have been so helpful to me in the last several days:

Psalm 94:19
When the cares of my heart are many,
    your consolations cheer my soul.

Psalm 139:23-24
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Here are some more specific things that are working for me and my family:

  • Keeping track of my own thinking patterns and paying attention to shifts in my mood so I can take my thoughts captive to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)
  • Listening to LIVE broadcasts that keep me feeling connected in the world
  • Having LIVE conversations that connect me emotionally to those I care deeply about (Note: turn-taking chat apps meet a different need than live conversations on the phone, FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, etc.)
  • Finding a person who gives me energy and spending a few minutes chatting
  • Texting in group chats with extended family who are geographically separated
  • Pacing my breaks (and what I do with those breaks)
  • Baking with Carly or playing a game
  • Going for a drive (sometimes getting gas or car wash)
  • Taking a prolonged shower or bath
  • Rearranging furniture or moving to a different room from time to time (change of environment)
  • Putting out some decorations for Easter or spring (you could make some new ones too!)
  • Building a fort
  • Getting off the couch and having a dance party
  • Spring cleaning
  • Playing favorite games (egg hunt)
  • Planning and doing a special project (We’re hoping to surprise our neighbors’ kids with an Easter Egg Hunt blessing. Hopefully, they won’t read this blog until Easter Monday!)

We thrive when we learn to let Jesus fulfill the desires of our souls more than anything or anyone else. After that, we can enjoy His generous gifts from the world in healthy, godly ways. And that includes living in cooperative and complementary ways with others.

What’s working for you?

Tell us in the comments of this post about how your family is trying to make the best of this highly remarkable experience of life.

During this season of social distancing, we can learn rest in Jesus most of all but also meet each other’s soul needs in ways that are complementary and cooperative too.


You can watch Pandemic Edition #1 of REAL TALK livestream here.

Lisa Jamieson is an international speaker, author, caregiver advocate and pastoral counsellor. Her passion is spurring special needs families toward growing intimacy with Jesus and thriving relationships with each other. She is co-founder and executive director of Walk Right In Ministries and leads the Minnesota Disability Ministry Connection. Lisa is a member of the Sarasota Academy of Christian Counseling certified in Christian temperament therapy. Her books and Bible studies include Jesus, Let’s Talk which was inspired by her daughter, Carly, who has Angelman Syndrome. Lisa and her husband, Larry, have been married for 31 years and have three grown daughters.

On Loving Each Other

Loving and praying for each other is not optional and scripture doesn’t leave room for anything but whole-hearted engagement with people who are suffering. True, it’s overwhelming, scary and messy for us as individuals and as the church trying to meet a wide array of complex needs (e.g., disability, mental illness, aging, chronic illness). But people with atypical lives are not a liability to the community or the church. They enrich our lives, communities and churches! 

No situation is too big or too complicated for God.

LORD, forgive us for showing partiality with our love and compassion. You call us to love our neighbors and pray for our enemies. Move people into our circles of influence that give us opportunity to stretch our love muscles and prove ourselves faithful to YOUR ways! This is one of our spiritual acts of worship.  AMEN